Firestorm....driving through the flames.

Oh yes I did.  I had to get up the mountain even though I knew there was some sort of fire somewhere near my destination: weekend birthday getaway with girlfriends.

In my little convertable I got closer to the dark thick black clouds.  The winding road started to disappear and my breathing was being stifled as I was determined to get away. Hmmm.  I was getting away from my future EX-husband.  Driving through flames on each side of my little car and that felt safer than being with him. 

Once I arrived and proudly posed at my destination, little did I realize that huge growing fire and massive tower of billowing smoke not only would destroy the forest,  choke wildlife and burn all homes in it's path, it  would be the start of the coming firestorm that would burn everything in my life as well.

For the longest time, whenever I viewed this picture with those imposing clouds of smoke from the fire, It reminded me of how very much it resembled evil.  That insidious vapor-like force that seeps into our life, family and business, undetected until the damage has been done.Yes, it did burn very hot.  Yes, it left behind my daughters death, divorce and destruction.

HOWEVER

"what the enemy(Satan)meant for harm, my God used those same plans for my good"

(Genius 50:20)

Got it? The enemy influenced me, my ex husband, his girlfriend/my secretary,the counterfeit Christians in my life and my family to the point of destruction. I finally realized  through much prayer and spiritual training what was going on and what I had to do about it, I declared,

 "I AIN'T GOING DOWN LIKE THAT!"

controlfreakfree.com

http://twitter.com/#!/FreeNChrist

THEREFORE

I now view this same picture the way God sees it.

"He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver.
He will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. They will belong to the LORD"

(Malachi 3:3)

In the process of refining metals, the raw metal is heated with fire until it melts. The impurities separate from it and rise to the surface. They are skimmed off, leaving the pure metal. As we are purified by God, his reflection in our lives will become more and more clear .

I can not change what has already happened.  But I can change the meaning of the results.  I have been purified through this fire.  I will never be the same again.  I have the spirit of truth in me.  God has allowed me to take what appeared to be a burned up mess and deliver a message of hope.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy,

the devil.

 He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour  (1 Peter 5:8)

Be on guard for anyone or anything that does not match up with the word of God.  It could be that helpful employee that seems to want to help. All the while inserting a false sense of confidence about their motives.  It might be a counterfeit christian that influences you contrary to Gods calling on your life. Getting to know God and what He wants will be your safeguard and compass. You can't expect protection, promotion or favor if you are a cheap seats sort of Christian and  still hold on to YOUR OWN WILL AND DESIRES. God wants to call you His own!  

 If you hear His voice....trust and obey.

 That's being fireproof!

~Elle

Looks can be deceiving.

It may appear that things going on in your life are going to hell. And they may be, literally.

I have had a long season of EVERYTHING in my life being destroyed.  Insecurity, pride, fear, hate, loneliness.  Surprise!  Don’t all those things belong in hell?  Because that’s where they originate.

However, because they were so strongly part of my nature, it really hurt. It was like open heart surgery.  They were firmly attached to my relationships, career and my day to day ‘Christian’ life. Besides, I had plenty of reasons to keep all that close by….those are the emotions many of us need to navigate through life and to get us out or in, situations. But what is learned, can be unlearned.

I went to church, had BS (bible study) in my home, was nursery director, my children went to church camp and knew the books of the bible. I stayed married no matter what. I volunteered, organized, ran a business, owned a beautiful home, employed dozens of employees and tithed. There, put that in my ‘evidence’ pile.  I still felt ‘outside’ of the church ‘cliché’

 I slowly started to notice the evil mist left behind by my own choices. And by the choices of others. That insipid heavy vapor that seeps in disguised as perhaps that helpful employee, that friend of your child or the regret of a decision.  By doing nothing, allowing the intruder to stay, only with occasional protest or angry outburst of resistance, I learned the hard way that the Enemy sought to inflict a mortal wound. To manys observation, that appeared to happen.   I will share more of what this ugly vapor looks like in a future blog. Trust me, God has allowed me to see it magnified 100 xs. He has also given me a way of escape and the tools to stop it.  No matter what you are going through right now. It’s available to you too.

You know what I ultimately found out?

It was only a flesh wound.  No vital organs have been hit.

The enemy is indeed a liar!

I am sometimes slow on the uptake.  I feel I have to try harder than others due to my brain damage from encephalitis.  It’s not my job to save my life. I am done trying to manipulate it.     I gave up ownership of my life to Christ.  He re-fashioned and changed my very nature, how I think and how I respond.   I had a big correction.  God brought a wise Christian woman to speak into my life during the worst season of death and destruction.  It was the best thing that ever happened to me.   Her patience at my stumbling and questions while I attended months and months of her  bible study has finally seeped in. God also allowed me to reconnect to another special woman who lovingly spoke truth into my life. God is never early, but always on time. I am at peace abiding in Christ alone. I allowed a complete spiritual make-over. He is giving me the desires of my heart.  A pure life, my needs met and opportunities to encourage others who appear to be mortally wounded. Appear.

~ Elle

Check out that prayer at the end of this blog!

Do you 'freak out'?

 Well, do you?

Even though you may say you hate it when you do, you actually like it.  It feels sorta good...to your flesh nature.  It feeds it. When you freak out, you are like an unweaned child, wahhhhhh!  Got the visual? You want or don't want 'IT' right now.  Yes, you could be freaking out about losing your job, losing your home, losing your relationship, or even losing a loved one. The world says that is perfectly natural.

 Will it ever get you to where you want to be? NO. In fact, doesn't freaking out, have at it's root, a deep distrust of God? Taken a step further, you have become a 'Control-freak'

Jeremiah 29:11 states, 'For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'

If you have never trusted God, it's not too late. You can trade your pain, shame, guilt and control-freaking ways for a peace, joy, trust and a love that will change your very nature. It's a peace with God that sin no longer blocks.  Your are by design, not a natural being having spiritual experiences, but you are a spiritual being, having natural experiences.  Once you get this concept, when you have these 'natural experiences', you will understand that they help you grow through the suffering.  And if we persevere, it builds our character resulting in HOPE. Hope never disappoints.  That hope is found through God's son, Jesus. Check out the prayer at the bottom of the blog!


Are you a control freak or is someone trying to control you?
Check out this site and open your eyes to the truth.
Stop the Control (freaking) out ~ Elle
http://controlfreakfree.com/

Always, Rachael

Always, Rachael.  That's how she would  sign her little notes to me. Every morning I would wake with a sweet little note by the coffee maker..."Mom, please wake me up early so we can have breakfast together. Always, Rachael.

I'm going to share with you my continued 'good-byes' and 'hellos' in this blog.  My reason is simple.  It's coming upon the year anniversary of my daughter's death and what would have been her 21st birthday.  I feel I haven't even peeled back all the  layers of grieving, but even in that, I know God is protecting me. I want to share the hope that's been placed in my heart. That hope that I will still be used for Gods will and purpose.  The glorious hope, that upon my sweet daughters last words of "Father forgive me, I've sinned", that she and I will be together forever in God's eternity!

  I've never considered myself a writer, but want to walk this journey 'outloud'.  Thanks for reading. If you are going through something too, I hope you receive just what God has for you.  ~ Elle

11/1: Happy birthday in Heaven Angel Baby Rachael.  I called your cell, knowing you are not here.  As I prepare my grief journey, I read in Isaiah 31:13..'For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear, I will help you.' *Elle, remember all the ways God has helped you*

The seeds of comfort may take root in the soil of adversity.

11/2: Still doesn't seem real. 15 days since the event of her asthma attack, 7 days since her death, 3 days since her memorial. Jim the funeral guy said urn will ship tomorrow, and will take 5 to 7 days to get here.  Is God protecting my heart, as I am not grieving as I've lost others in the past or am I not who I once was.  My girl is gone-she died.  My beautiful angel baby is dead.