Looks can be deceiving.

It may appear that things going on in your life are going to hell. And they may be, literally.

I have had a long season of EVERYTHING in my life being destroyed.  Insecurity, pride, fear, hate, loneliness.  Surprise!  Don’t all those things belong in hell?  Because that’s where they originate.

However, because they were so strongly part of my nature, it really hurt. It was like open heart surgery.  They were firmly attached to my relationships, career and my day to day ‘Christian’ life. Besides, I had plenty of reasons to keep all that close by….those are the emotions many of us need to navigate through life and to get us out or in, situations. But what is learned, can be unlearned.

I went to church, had BS (bible study) in my home, was nursery director, my children went to church camp and knew the books of the bible. I stayed married no matter what. I volunteered, organized, ran a business, owned a beautiful home, employed dozens of employees and tithed. There, put that in my ‘evidence’ pile.  I still felt ‘outside’ of the church ‘cliché’

 I slowly started to notice the evil mist left behind by my own choices. And by the choices of others. That insipid heavy vapor that seeps in disguised as perhaps that helpful employee, that friend of your child or the regret of a decision.  By doing nothing, allowing the intruder to stay, only with occasional protest or angry outburst of resistance, I learned the hard way that the Enemy sought to inflict a mortal wound. To manys observation, that appeared to happen.   I will share more of what this ugly vapor looks like in a future blog. Trust me, God has allowed me to see it magnified 100 xs. He has also given me a way of escape and the tools to stop it.  No matter what you are going through right now. It’s available to you too.

You know what I ultimately found out?

It was only a flesh wound.  No vital organs have been hit.

The enemy is indeed a liar!

I am sometimes slow on the uptake.  I feel I have to try harder than others due to my brain damage from encephalitis.  It’s not my job to save my life. I am done trying to manipulate it.     I gave up ownership of my life to Christ.  He re-fashioned and changed my very nature, how I think and how I respond.   I had a big correction.  God brought a wise Christian woman to speak into my life during the worst season of death and destruction.  It was the best thing that ever happened to me.   Her patience at my stumbling and questions while I attended months and months of her  bible study has finally seeped in. God also allowed me to reconnect to another special woman who lovingly spoke truth into my life. God is never early, but always on time. I am at peace abiding in Christ alone. I allowed a complete spiritual make-over. He is giving me the desires of my heart.  A pure life, my needs met and opportunities to encourage others who appear to be mortally wounded. Appear.

~ Elle

Check out that prayer at the end of this blog!

Do you 'freak out'?

 Well, do you?

Even though you may say you hate it when you do, you actually like it.  It feels sorta good...to your flesh nature.  It feeds it. When you freak out, you are like an unweaned child, wahhhhhh!  Got the visual? You want or don't want 'IT' right now.  Yes, you could be freaking out about losing your job, losing your home, losing your relationship, or even losing a loved one. The world says that is perfectly natural.

 Will it ever get you to where you want to be? NO. In fact, doesn't freaking out, have at it's root, a deep distrust of God? Taken a step further, you have become a 'Control-freak'

Jeremiah 29:11 states, 'For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'

If you have never trusted God, it's not too late. You can trade your pain, shame, guilt and control-freaking ways for a peace, joy, trust and a love that will change your very nature. It's a peace with God that sin no longer blocks.  Your are by design, not a natural being having spiritual experiences, but you are a spiritual being, having natural experiences.  Once you get this concept, when you have these 'natural experiences', you will understand that they help you grow through the suffering.  And if we persevere, it builds our character resulting in HOPE. Hope never disappoints.  That hope is found through God's son, Jesus. Check out the prayer at the bottom of the blog!


Are you a control freak or is someone trying to control you?
Check out this site and open your eyes to the truth.
Stop the Control (freaking) out ~ Elle
http://controlfreakfree.com/

Always, Rachael

Always, Rachael.  That's how she would  sign her little notes to me. Every morning I would wake with a sweet little note by the coffee maker..."Mom, please wake me up early so we can have breakfast together. Always, Rachael.

I'm going to share with you my continued 'good-byes' and 'hellos' in this blog.  My reason is simple.  It's coming upon the year anniversary of my daughter's death and what would have been her 21st birthday.  I feel I haven't even peeled back all the  layers of grieving, but even in that, I know God is protecting me. I want to share the hope that's been placed in my heart. That hope that I will still be used for Gods will and purpose.  The glorious hope, that upon my sweet daughters last words of "Father forgive me, I've sinned", that she and I will be together forever in God's eternity!

  I've never considered myself a writer, but want to walk this journey 'outloud'.  Thanks for reading. If you are going through something too, I hope you receive just what God has for you.  ~ Elle

11/1: Happy birthday in Heaven Angel Baby Rachael.  I called your cell, knowing you are not here.  As I prepare my grief journey, I read in Isaiah 31:13..'For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear, I will help you.' *Elle, remember all the ways God has helped you*

The seeds of comfort may take root in the soil of adversity.

11/2: Still doesn't seem real. 15 days since the event of her asthma attack, 7 days since her death, 3 days since her memorial. Jim the funeral guy said urn will ship tomorrow, and will take 5 to 7 days to get here.  Is God protecting my heart, as I am not grieving as I've lost others in the past or am I not who I once was.  My girl is gone-she died.  My beautiful angel baby is dead.